Say instructions once and then follow through.  If not, your child may learn that they do not need to listen on the first try.  Mom or dad will repeat themselves.  Then your child may consistently start listening only after the tenth time when you have exhausted your demand and are now frustrated.  

In addition, it is important to follow through with positive things too. If you’ve promised something fun, deliver.  Your child needs to trust that you will do what you say – both with fun things and not.  

Guided Compliance: 

O’Connor, J. & Mudgal, D.  2008, How to Train Caregivers in Functional Behavior Assessment and Treatment Development, ABA, Chicago, 5/24/08

Teach your child what you want him/her to do by providing a model and physical guidance if the child does not do what you asked.  Don’t allow your child to avoid requests.  If you use this procedure consistently, you should find that your child becomes more compliant and requires less physical guidance over time.  This procedure should be used with all requests given to your child.   

 1)  Gain your child’s attention 

2)  Tell the child what to do.  Never ask (why ask if they don’t have a choice?).  Asking gives the child a choice.  (e.g., Can you sit down?  Vs. Come and sit down please)

3)  State the request clearly so that the child knows exactly what he/she is supposed to do (e.g., say, “Pick up the red crayon,” as opposed to, “Pick that up over there.”).  Keep requests as brief and specific as possible (e.g. say, “Pick up the red crayon,” as opposed to, “Go get the red crayon so that we can color this picture.”).

4)  Wait 5 to 10 seconds for the child to carry out the request.  Do not repeat the request or provide additional requests.

5)  If the child complies (i.e., does what you tell him/her to do), provide him/her with praise.  State exactly what he/she did that you liked (i.e., “I liked the way you picked up the crayon when I asked you.”).  You can also provide him/her with other preferred items following compliance.

6)  If the child does not comply, repeat the request with a gesture (i.e., demonstrate the behavior to the child–for example, by picking up the crayon and saying, “Pick up the crayon like this; you do it.”) and/or a warning (e.g., saying, “Pick up the crayon or I will help you.”).

7)  Wait 5 to 10 seconds for the child to carry out the request.  Do not repeat the request.

8)  If he/she complies, praise him/her. You may also provide him/her with a preferred activity /item.

9)  If the child does not comply, physically guide him/her (e.g., help him/her by putting your hands over his/her hands and picking up the crayon) while repeating the prompt, “Pick up the crayon like this.”  Always use the minimum amount of physical contact necessary for the request to be completed.  Do not provide praise or access to a preferred item/activity if physical guidance is needed.10)  Never “give in” or complete the request yourself.  Once you give a child a request, he/she must follow through even if you have to physically guide him/her.  Provide only those requests that are important enough to follow through on.